


I'm Not Broken

by Klyons002



Series: The Boy Behind The Bar [6]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 90's Music, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bi-reggie, Depression, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28178289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klyons002/pseuds/Klyons002
Summary: It's Christmas and it's stirring up a lot of feelings for Reggie, thanks to a little member of his past.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Reggie/Original Male Character
Series: The Boy Behind The Bar [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958449
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	I'm Not Broken

**Author's Note:**

> So this kind of got out of hand, what started as a cute Christmas fic, sort of evolved 
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> Depression 
> 
> Reggie is OOC I know, but like I said it got out of hand. Enjoy! 
> 
> I own nothing.

I’m Not Broken 

Christmas in LA was different the Christmas on the east coast. For one, there’s no snow, it was hot. The first time he wore shorts in December, Sam felt free. He liked the lights on palm trees way better then on pine. Sam liked Christmas in LA better than Christmas in New York. There weren’t any tourists fighting their way into Rockefeller center. He didn’t have to see The Nutcracker for the tenth time. There wasn’t a salvation army Santa on every corner. The best thing about Christmas in L.A, his parents weren’t there.

That wasn’t the case for Reggie. The one time of year that he had to see his parents was Christmas time. Whenever his parents host their annual Peter’s family Christmas bash, they must be the perfect family. Rachel caught Reggie at Rose a couple months after their six-month tour. He was behind the bar, with Sam. He spent almost every day with Sam now. Ray started paying him to bartend, he was getting better. 

“Reggie?” The voice of his little sister pulled the bassist away from drink he was practicing. He looked up at his little sister and his face lit up for a brief second, he caught himself, their last meeting burning in his mind. Sam was in Ray’s office, talking about admin stuff. Since Ray took over Rose, Sam was promoted to assistant manager, and they make quite the team. 

“Rachel? What are you doing here? How did you find me?” 

“Crystal told me a while back, I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t even want to come, but mom and dad kinda forced me to find you. The Christmas party is next week.” Reggie nodded, he knew his parents didn’t really care about him, just their image of the ‘perfect family’. He didn’t want to go; he didn’t want to put on a fake smile and pretend to be a happy family in front of all his parent’s friends. He didn’t want to be paraded around like a show monkey, especially since he won’t be who he really is, just who he was.  
“That’s great, have fun.” Rachel rolled his eyes. He was being stubborn. 

“Really, Reggie? You’re not even going to come? You never miss the Christmas party” He never missed the party because he was forced to go. There is nothing his sister could say that would make him want to go back there. Nothing would make him step a foot into that house. He got out; he was going to stay out. 

“I know, but that doesn’t change anything.” 

“Why did you leave Reggie?” That wasn’t something he wanted to remember. Being locked in his room, his father yelling at him through the door. He couldn’t step foot into that house again. 

“That doesn’t matter now. I’m happy Rachel. I’m in love, I’m successful. They can’t ruin that. I won’t let them ruin that.” Reggie finished the drink and wiped down the counter. He looked up at the surprise in Rachel’s eyes. She had never seen her brother like that before, firm, standing up for himself. It was nice, but she needed to get her way. She always needed to get her way. 

“In love? With the boy? Who are you kidding Reggie? That can’t be love.” She doesn’t know what love is, but she knows who Reggie is. She knows how to push his buttons how to manipulate him into doing what she wants. After all, she’s the one who taught Crystal. 

“How would you know? Look I don’t care about the damn party. I don’t care about all their friends and colleagues. I don’t care what mom and dad wants. I’m not coming home; can you please leave. I have work to do.” He didn’t have work to do, the bar wasn’t set to open for another two hours, he didn’t even know how she got in, but that didn’t matter. The conversation was over. 

“Can you at least think about it, Reggie? Mom misses you. I miss you. Please.” Reggie ignored her to go back to doing what he was doing, he looked up to see Sam and Ray walking down the steps from the office. He didn’t want Rachel to see Sam, he couldn’t mix those two worlds. 

“Leave, Rachel, now” There was a flash of sadness in her eyes before the hardness took over. There was hardness in both of their eyes, challenging each other.

“Fine, I’ll leave. You know they will follow me. They know where you are Reggie.” It sounded like a threat. Reggie knows it was. He can handle threats. 

Sam ran a hand a crossed Reggie’s waist. Reggie, staring at his sister’s back, didn’t acknowledge it until Sam snapped his fingers in front of his face.

“Reggie? You good? Who was that?” Sam nodded toward the door, and Reggie snapped back into reality. Was it really the time to slice open his old wounds? 

“That was my sister, uh she wants me to go to our family Christmas party.” Sam looked at the sadness in his boyfriend’s eyes. It’s the first time he had mentioned anything about his family. Sam knew it was a sore subject. He just didn’t know how deep the wounds are.

“Are you going to go?” He asked, and before Reggie could answer Luke and Alex stumbled into the bar laughing and smiling. Reggie didn’t want to bring up the party. Luke and Alex knew about it, the Patterson’s and the Mercer’s were always there. Ever since Reggie met them on the playground. He just didn’t know if they were going. They didn’t have a great relationship with their parents either. 

“I haven’t decided.” That was a lie, he did decide, he decided no. Sam wanted to support him, but his mind flashed to his family on the east coast. The look on his mom’s face when he just grabbed his duffle and walked out. He stills talk to them, barely, but going back to the east coast? Not a chance in hell. Alex and Luke walked into the bar laughing and smiling. Reggie put on his fake smile, Alex and Luke didn’t need to know about Rachel. He didn’t need to make them angry. He didn’t need them to worry about him.   
“Reggie, practice in ten.” 

“You ok bro?” As much as Reggie loved Luke it was really annoying how well he knew Reggie. He knew when Reggie was down even when he tried to hide it, he tried hard.

“Yeah.” All eyes were in him as his throat begun to close, he needed a minute to himself. He didn’t need to put this into the universe. He didn’t want their eyes clouding in pity.   
“You sure bud?” Alex stared at him, and Reggie cleared his throat, and nodded. 

“Yeah, I’ll meet you guys upstairs. I’m just going to run to the bathroom.” He didn’t meet the trio’s eyes just put the rag down and got out from behind the bar to go the small bathroom by the front door of the bar. He needed to splash some water on his face, he needed to calm down. It wasn’t that big of a deal. He was strong, stronger than he had ever been at that house. Reggie looked at himself in the mirror and took a deep breath. He couldn’t go back and take away all the progress he has made over the past few months. It was just a party, a party that he really didn’t enjoy going to anyway. What was the big deal? He should be happy. Reggie dried his face and opened the door to the bathroom where Sam was waiting. 

“I’m fine Sam.” Reggie said, he didn’t want to get into, not now and possibly not ever. It was stupid anyway. It didn’t matter, he didn’t need to drag anyone else into his mess.

“Really? You don’t look fine.” Reggie rolled his eyes. Sam means well, but sometimes the bassist just wants to be left alone. 

“I’m fine, can you just drop it. I have to go to band practice.” Reggie moved past Sam not looking him in the eye. Sam never really seen Reggie like that, they were always good about expressing their emotions ever since the tour.

“Are you coming over tonight?” It was movie and pizza night, every Thursday. Reggie looked at him, he really didn’t want to, because Sam’s going to want to talk. Reggie is all talked out. 

“I’ll let you know.” Reggie’s coldness sent shivers down Sam’s spine. That wasn’t his Reggie, he didn’t know who that was. Maybe Reggie just needed a night to himself. 

Reggie walked up to their practice space with his hardened look. Rachel showing up really threw a wrench in his entire day. His family tended to do that, throw wrenches into things. 

When Reggie opened the door to the loft space, he was greeted with Julie on Luke’s shoulder’s trying to put a star on top of a small lanky Christmas tree. It was a metaphor for how Reggie was feeling, small and broke, and nearly on the floor. 

“Isn’t it cute Reggie! I figured the space needed to be a bit more festive. Luke and I have been writing some holiday songs.” That just dug the knife deeper into Reggie’s stomach. It’s not that he didn’t like the holidays, but all he could think about was Rachel and his parents and that damn Christmas party. 

“cute.” He stuck to one-word answers picking up his bass and tuning it. The trio of his band mates all looked at each other. This wasn’t the Reggie they knew. 

“Seriously Reggie, are you ok? You’re looking a little tense.” Alex asked, he didn’t want to say anything before. 

“Fine let’s just practice ok.” Luke and Alex looked at each other as Reggie angrily plucked out a tune that Julie didn’t recognize. Luke and Alex did, anytime Reggie got angry, which was almost every time he had any interaction with anyone from his family, he plucked a specific tune that he made up when they first started playing together. It’s been a while since they’ve heard it. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex slowly moved in front of Reggie to look him in the eye. He didn’t want to talk about it. He was tired of everyone walking on eggshells around him every time he’s angry, or anxious. Maybe he was just tired. 

“Does it look like I wanna talk about it. Can we just practice, please.” He looks past Alex and Luke towards the wall where their tour poster was staring back at him. Luke tapped Alex on the shoulder and tilted his head towards the drums, a secret way of saying ‘another time’. Reggie continued to pluck the tune and he could feel his bandmates having secret conversations with their eyes. Screw this, I’m not just going to stand here and have them control my feelings. Reggie stopped playing and unplugged his amp before putting his bass away. 

“Hey, are thought we were starting?” Julie asked, and he saw the confusion in her eyes. She didn’t know, and Reggie didn’t really want to get into it. He wanted to sleep and forget the whole day. 

“We were, until you guys started to have eye conversations about me, and I’m not going to stand here and watch you do it. I’m going home, come get me when you stop trying to figure out how to ‘fix’ me.” Reggie didn’t want to say he stormed out, but there was a bit of heavy foot work when he pounded down the steps from the loft towards the door. He didn’t say goodbye to anyone, he just wanted to be alone. He was never alone anymore. It’s funny, a year ago all he wanted was to be around people and he hated to be alone, but now, there were too many people around him trying to pick apart his emotions and he couldn’t stand it. 

Reggie unlocked the door to the apartment he shared with Luke and Alex and just took a deep breath. This was what he needed, just some time to himself. His family was still on his mind, making him angrier by the second until he went to the stereo and put on a mix tape that Luke made him for Christmas. He needed to drown out the silence. All he could think about was Rachel’s threat. 'They know where you are Reggie'. That was his one fear when he left home, is that they would find him. He didn’t quite run away, like Luke, more like a couple days after his 18th birthday he backed his bags and headed to the garage. No one came after him. 

The mix tape played through as Reggie just laid on his bed. He didn’t want to be around people. He couldn’t really be around people. His people really didn’t have the same thoughts. 

“Reggie? You home? I’m worried about you.” Sam’s woke Reggie up from his nap, around the fourth song he ended up falling into a dreamless sleep. He forgot all about that morning until Sam was pounding on the door. “Luke said you went home, is everything ok?” That was the one sentence, Reggie hated. Everything was not ok. With a heavy head, Reggie got up from where he was laying on his bed and jammed himself into his tour hoodie before opening the door. Sam walked into the small apartment and looked at Reggie. He looked small, smaller than he had ever seen his boyfriend before. It was even worse then when he first visited on tour. 

“What’s up? You basically stormed out of the bar earlier? Did something happen with your sister?” That was an understatement. It really wasn’t what she said it was how she said it. The weight of seeing her again really weighed down Reggie’s shoulders. 

“No” Reggie sat on the couch and stared straight ahead. He didn’t want to talk. Well, Sam did, he wanted to find out what the hell was going on with his boyfriend.

“Tell me why I don’t believe that.” Sam sat next to Reggie who didn’t look at him. Sam was scared. 

“I’m not broken.” Reggie whispered, and Sam looked at him confused. He didn’t know where this was coming from. He’s never seen Reggie like this before. He was too stoic, there was a darkness in his glazed over eyes. “I don’t need to be fixed.” Sam didn’t know if Reggie was talking to him. 

“No one is trying to fix you reg.” Reggie didn’t look at him. He just sat stoic. Sam wanted to move and place a hand on his sweatpants covered thigh, but he could take the hint. 

“Yes, you are. You and Alex and Luke all look at me with that pity in your eyes, like I don’t know what to do and you need to protect me from the world. I don’t need protecting I don’t need anyone checking in on me every five minutes just because I don’t have a god damn smile on my face. I can be sad; I can be angry and confused. I can have emotions; I need to be fixed.” Sam had never seen Reggie like this before. The bartender didn’t know what to do. 

“Do you know what that feels like Sam? To have to have a smile on my face and make jokes, be the butt of the joke just so people don’t ask you if you are ok every ten minutes. It is exhausting. I am exhausted.” Reggie looked at him and it was like his Reggie wasn’t there anymore. Reggie was looking through him. 

“Where is this coming from? I’ve never heard you talk about this before.” Sam was trying to understand where he was coming from. Reggie glared at him. 

“Then clearly you don’t know me very well.” It was a low blow, and Sam was taken a back. In the eight months that they have been dating it was like Reggie was a completely different person. “Sam, I’m tired can you just leave.” Reggie stood up and just went right to his room. He was done with the conversation. Sam looked at his retreating back, he clearly was don’t with the conversation. Sam nodded and stood up. 

“Well, you know where I’ll be. I just I’ll see you later. Love you” Sam has never been more confused, and he left the apartment as Reggie crawled back into this bed and covered himself with his blanket. 

When Sam walked back into Rose, Luke and Alex were whispering to each other. Sam cleared his throat and they looked up. 

“Well, how did it go?” Sam sat down at the bar as all eyes snapped to him. By the look on his face, they could tell it didn’t go well.   
“I don’t know, he started saying all this stuff like he wasn’t broken, and he didn’t need to be fixed. I just don’t get it; he was fine this morning until his sister showed up.” Luke looked at Alex with a shocked face and Alex cut Sam’s re-telling off. 

“Wait, Rachel was here?” Alex asked and that made Sam even more confused. Reggie didn’t really talk much about his family, and when he did it was a very short conversation.

“I guess, Reggie only said it was sister, I’m pretty sure he only has one.” 

“The party!” Luke said, when it suddenly clicked for Alex. “It’s this weekend, mom called the apartment a couple days ago. I guess Rachel was sent by their parents, trying to get Reggie to go.” Luke didn’t always have the best relationship with his parents when he left his house at seventeen to join a rock band. Thanks to Julie, he woke up and realized that he was being a naïve child and needed to do something about it. 

“Well, that explains it.” Alex understood what sent Reggie off. The Peters were the definition of the worst parents. He’s had some experience with bad parents, his kicked him out at fifteen.

“Explains what?” Sam was straight up confused. What could possibly explain Reggie pulling away from him. His boyfriend was like his own personal puppy dog, bubbly and smiling, full of joy and energy. This just broke Sam’s heart. 

“What do we do?” Sam asked, but Reggie’s words rang through his head ‘I’m not broken, I don’t need fixing.’

“We can’t really do anything but let him ride it out.” That wasn’t good enough for him. “I’m serious Sam, he will bounce back in a few days, just let it go.” 

Reggie didn’t bounce back, but he at least got out of bed. Sam watched as his boyfriend had glazed over green eyes as he went through the motions of the day. Julie and the Phantoms were playing that night and Reggie was just playing, no energy, no dancing nothing. He just stood there in the practice room having one more practice. They were playing Flying Solo, but everyone could tell there was something up with Reggie. 

“Will you please stop that! Stop having a secret conversation with your eyes.” Reggie couldn’t handle it anymore, but they had a show to do. “Look I think we are all good on the songs we have sung a thousand times. I’ll see you backstage.” Reggie put his bass on the stand still plugged into the amp and just walked out again. He’s been walking out a lot lately, he went down the stairs and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his mother sitting at the bar talking to Sam. It was his worse nightmare. He tried so hard to turn around and go back up the stairs or out to the alley, but he was stuck to the floor watching as his boyfriend laugh at his ‘charming’ mother. Yes, Reggie was definitely in hell. 

“Reginald! You’re here, and to think I thought Crystal was lying. Well, no worries, I’ve come to take you home.” Mrs. Peters got louder as Reggie began his slow trek towards her fake smile. There was a darkness to her tight smile, and Reggie could see the fresh highlights, and how she barely could move her face. Reggie smirked at the Botox. It truly was Christmas. Mrs. Peters stood up and pulled Reggie in a forceful hug. 

“You don’t know where I live.” Reggie deadpanned, and his mom stepped back to get a look at him. It’s been about two years since he’d lived with them and he tried to avoid them at the last two Christmas parties after their ‘perfect family’ picture. Mrs. Peters laughed, and it was the fakest laugh that Sam had ever heard. 

“I mean our home Reginald; not whatever run-down apartment Emily was talking about. It’s time to give up this silly hobby and come home, your father has an opening for you at his office.” Reggie rolled his eyes, of course she beat down Emily Patterson, Luke’s mom, for information about him. He could feel Sam’s eyes on him, but he tried to focus on his mom. He tried to focus on getting her out of here. 

“It’s not a hobby mom, just leave please the bar’s about to open and I’m guessing you don’t want to be here when the LA rats start to trickle in.” He walked past his mom, and she grabbed his arm, digging her fake nails into his skin. Reggie glared at her gaudy Christmas nails as she leaned into him 

“Look you little prick, you are going to leave this god-awful place, and come back home.” She started to pull him, and Reggie pulled his arm back, drawing blood. 

“No, I’m an adult. I don’t have to go anywhere with you. Now leave and don’t come back. Nothing will make me be apart of your perfect family.” Mrs. Peters smirked and raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” She turned and gave Sam a little wave. “It was nice meeting you Sam.” Reggie made the connection; she knew who Sam was. He was going to kill Rachel. 

“What did she say to you?” Reggie demanded when he stalked up to the bar. Sam was shocked at the intensity in his eyes. Sam didn’t know who the women was until he heard her and Reggie talking. 

“Nothing she was about to ask where you were, until you came pounding down the stairs like a mad man, what’s wrong? Who was that?” Sam asked and Reggie just shook his head and pushed off the bar to walk away. 

“You can’t just do that Reggie; you can’t just walk away.” Sam called after him. Reggie was livid and embarrassed. He couldn’t face him.

“That’s what I’m doing.” Sam stared as Reggie retreated and he was more confused. What just happened, who was that women, and why is Reggie acting so weird. Most importantly, why wasn’t Reggie telling him anything? What was going on? 

Reggie played the best show he’d ever played thanks to his frustration. He channeled everything his mother ever did to him into his bass and it was actual good, cathartic even. It all went away once the band bowed and the lights went down. The funny thing is for years Reggie would give anything to be around people, but now he just wanted to be alone. 

“Reggie!” Sam met him backstage and Reggie turned to go the other way except Sam grabbed his shoulder and Reggie stood still, chills moving through his spine.

“What?” Sam stepped back at the intense look in Reggie’s eyes. He’s never seen the bassist that angry before. He’s never seen the bassist angry at all. 

“What is going on with you?” He asked, and Sam desperately wanted to break down the walls that Reggie suddenly built over past couple of weeks. He wanted his Reggie back. 

“It doesn’t matter.”  
“Yes, it does Reggie, you haven’t been yourself. Just tell me what’s wrong.” Sam could tell that he said the wrong thing as Reggie’s eyebrows pulled together. 

“Why? So, you can fix it? You can’t fix this Sam; this is years of shit boiling up here. Clearly you don’t know me. I gotta go.” Reggie turned and walked away, that didn’t help Sam at all. He didn’t know what to do. He can’t really do anything. He just wants Reggie back. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think... 
> 
> non beta'd


End file.
